Originally posted on MySpace July 7, 2006

My wedding is one year from today. One year from now, at approximately 4:29 p.m., I will be getting ready with make-up and hair. I will be trying to hold back tears, laughing uncontrollably, somewhat nervous. I will be making sure everything I’ve been working towards the last 12 months has come to fruition as much as possible. I will be the bride.

This last statement is what is especially intriguing for me. You are only a bride for one day. All the nonsense of planning and primping, getting the right flowers, making sure there is enough booze, having a reliable caterer, racking my brain for ideas for centerpieces and favors and invitations…all for one day. It blows my mind. And the idea of being the center of all that attention is one that scares me more than any other.

I am queen of the bridesmaids. By the end of this year, I will have been a bridesmaid 8 times. That number is both frightening and flattering at the same time. 8 people in my life have felt close enough to me to want me to be a part of their wedding. It is such an honor. I know picking bridesmaids was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. So I can only be thankful that so many of my friends and family have included me in their special day.

But after all was said and done, I was just a bridesmaid. I wasn’t the one everyone was dying to get a picture with. I wasn’t the one who had to make my way around all the tables and catch up with all the people who had flown in from out of town. I wasn’t having to dance with every other person. For most of the weddings I’ve been in (and just attended), I just ate the good food, got drunk, and danced the night away with my friends and family. Most of my duties were before the wedding making sure the bride didn’t have a major meltdown, tying ribbons on decor, planning showers. But at the actual wedding, I just let loose and partied.

Is this something I am not going to be able to experience at my own wedding? Am I going to be stuck in that position that I have not envied being the bridesmaid, never the bride? My biggest fear is turning into a Bridezilla. I know myself and I trust that I am not like that as a person, but what if I get caught up in all the frenzy? What if I lose it with the caterer two days before the wedding and we have to have it catered by Boston Market? What if I’m stuck talking to a random relative that I didn’t even invite during one of my favorite songs and can’t dance to it at my own wedding? What if I miss something funny or crazy because I am haggling with my videographer (who should be catching that funny or crazy moment on film)?

Or will it be the perfect balance? And I’ll remember that this is just the wedding, a big party, to celebrate the bigger picture: The marriage that I am beginning with my best friend, my soul mate, the love of my life. It is the day we start our life together as one.

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