Do you ever have one of those days when it doesn’t matter what someone says to you, you want to throw something at them for just having the notion of talking to you?
Today is one of those days.
Really it started last night when (for you Idol fans out there) Kristy Lee “I like to take Beatles songs and make them country which in turn ruins them forever” Cook did NOT get eliminated. During the performance, I could actually see in my mind’s eye John Lennon rolling over in his grave, as Paul McCartney sat in his living room, eyes squeezed shut with his fingers in his ears yelling, “LALALALA!!! I’m not listening!!!” I could not have been more frustrated. Or more in agreement with the Husband that we really should be able to vote for the person we want to get the boot. I mean, am I really going to vote several times for all 11 other contestants just so that one doesn’t get as many votes? Of course not. If it was the other way around, I would’ve voted for her until it wouldn’t let me vote any more.
My day’s demise then continued shortly after I awoke this morning, when I leaned down to pet the cat, who was sitting in front of the bathroom door. When I stood up, my head collided with the doorknob. Hard. Excellent.
Then we move to the kitchen. Ever since I became pregnant, I have a need for breakfast. Obviously, I should be eating breakfast every day regardless, but I never would have this ridiculous necessity for it. It is the first thing I think about when I wake up. And I feel strongly about my Cheerios and like them in the morning. (Really, I like them anytime, but that’s neither here nor there.) Well, we’re out of milk. And that sucks.
I got to work and my lack of breakfast manifested into nausea. I’ve been proudly boasting for the last 12 or so days the “morning sickness” (a.k.a. all-the-live-long-day sickness) had gone. Having that feeling in the pit of my stomach again was not a welcomed one.
Every person that spoke to me this morning may as well have been hurtling insults at me. “Good Morning!” sounded like, “Have a crap day, hag!” “How ya doin’?” was “I hate you.” And then it never fails, that one person has to say the dreaded phrase I hear upwards of three times a day: “Are we having fun yet?”
Let’s go on a tangent here. What is the purpose of this phrase? Laced with sarcasm, a fake enthusiasm, and always with a “heh heh heh” tacked on the end. Then there is me with the same stupid responses over and over. “Oh, you know it!” “Define ‘fun’.” “It’s too early to say.” There’s only so much of this BS I can regurgitate. And if you do the math here, I have to make these idiotic replies at least 15 times a week. There is something inherently wrong about that. Now don’t get me wrong here. Sarcasm is awesome and I use it often. It probably is my favorite form of humor. But here, it is too much of a good thing and “Are we having fun yet?” has run its course at my office. Or at least in the vicinity of my desk. (Please feel free to leave suggestions of other witty comebacks I can use in the future. So far I have only come up with, “F*ck off”.)
I feel as though there is a dark Eeyore-esque cloud over my head and the rain is incessant. And some jackass is standing next to me with a giant umbrella saying, “Some weather, huh?” as he watches my rain-soaked clothes sag and my teeth chatter in the cold.
But you know, just taking the time to write about this has already made me feel a little better. And I’m going on vacation in six days which helps immensely. Although not tropical, I will still get to Long Beach Island, NJ, one of my favorite places on the east coast. And my cousin is currently in the beginning stages of labor so she should have her baby girl by the time I get there. All good things.
So now that I’m feeling a little more upbeat, it’s “Hilarity I Have Witnessed” time!! Yea! And since this blog is already wicked long, I will make this as brief as possible.
The Husband and I attended a play last Friday for his school. Fairly entertaining, obviously new actors trying to hone their craft. It wasn’t horrible, it wasn’t great. But the best part came during the intermission. We were standing in line for refreshments, which consisted of cupcakes, cookies, and a generic Sprite/lemonade mixture, each for 50 cents. The drinks were in these giant punch bowls, and a woman was ladeling them into little plastic cups. The lady in front of us says to her, “Can you please get my punch out of the other bowl? The one you haven’t used yet? I feel there is too much bacteria in this one that everyone else is getting their drinks from.” Then her daughter asks for a cupcake, which was obviously homemade (and probably delicious). The lady says, “No, no. Think of all the bacteria.” It’s amazing to me these kinds of people can leave their homes.
So here’s to the glass being half full (of bacteria) and we’ll chat again soon.