Once Upon a Time…

I am feeling rather nostalgic today. A trip down memory lane, remembering the twists and turns of the road I have traveled. The different scenic routes taken, the landmarks made, wrong ways, straight and narrows, rocky off-roading. Since I am about to take a permanent exit off this highway that has been my life for the last (almost) 29 years, sadness hits pretty hard. Not that I have any regrets, nor do I think I will. Starting a family was a conscious, active decision The Husband and I made together. It is something I have dreamed about my entire life. And every time I feel him move, I am aware of what an incredibile miracle it is to have this little light we created living inside me. But there is a greiving process that goes along with this new junction. Saying goodbye not just for a little while, but forever. I think this may be a concrete example of when the “never say never” warning does not apply. I will never not be a mother after this baby is born. I will be for the rest of my life, the rest of his life, his mother. And he will be my son.

So I say a very fond farewell to the life I once lived, where my intentions were primarily selfish or at least self-focused, and prepare for a new life of all firsts. First cry, first smile, first laugh, first rolling over, first crawl, first day of school. And I hope that in some way, I can help shape his life so he can learn strength and self-assurance, have the opportunity to be a child and have fun, and let him know how much he is loved.

And just for fun, some more song lyrics I love. They don’t have anything to do with this post; I just love this song. Bye for now…

Maybe different than you remember
Winter’s warm there
You and I
Kissing
Whiskey by the fire
With the snow outside
When the summer comes
The river
Swims at midnight
Shiver cold
Touch the bottom
You and I
With muddy toes

Stay or Leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or Leave
I want you not to go
But you did

Wake up
Naked
Drinking coffee
Making plans to change the world
While the world is changing us
It was good, good love
We used to laugh under the covers
Maybe not so often now
The way I used to laugh with you
Was loud and hard

Stay or Leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or Leave
I want you not to go
But you did

What to do
With the rest of the day’s afternoon
Hey
Isn’t it strange
How we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that I could
That I should’ve done

Remember we used to dance
Everyone wanted to be
You and me
I want to be too
What day is this
Beside the day you left me
What day is this
Beside the day you went

And what to do
With the rest of the day’s afternoon
Hey
Isn’t it strange how we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that I could

Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be
You and me
I want to be too
What day is this
Besides the day you left, baby
What day is this

Stay or Leave – Dave Matthews

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