I think I may have put an “AWKWARD” stamp on a renewed friendship, effectively bringing it to a screeching halt. And that makes me really sad.
Even though I told myself no good would come from it, even though I said that to the opposite party (I think my exact words were, “Oh ho ho, I don’t think that’s a good idea”), I did it anyway. I should’ve just left well enough alone, but no. I couldn’t do that. I had to open my big mouth nice and wide, say too much, and as if that wasn’t enough, I got a little snarky at the end and cut off communication. To put it succinctly, I was an giant a-hole.
This was not my intent, as is the case with most of my idiotic moments (which are infinite). My intent was…oh I don’t know. I think I was looking for justification, or reciprocation, or something-ication. Regardless, I feel bad about blowing it out of proportion and letting my personal demons get the best of me.
And as I sit here writing this, after the emotions have subsided and my cheeks are no longer flushed with embarrassment, I feel relieved. Normal. Like I can breathe again. Who knew it would be cathartic? I only hope there’s no permanent damage and maybe we can forget it ever happened. I’d really like that. And for what it’s worth, the demons are in check now. For good.