I like drinking alcohol, therefore, I love St. Patrick’s Day.
Here is a list of my favorite St. Patrick’s Day traditions:
- It is completely acceptable to start drinking at 8:00 in the morning. In fact, it is encouraged, with such events as “Kegs ‘n Eggs” serving breakfast and beer together in perfect harmony.
- You can say Irish phrases that would normally get you looked at funny. Examples include: “Top o’ the morning to ya” and “Slainte” (which, by the by, I have no idea how to pronounce correctly).
- You can take Irish Car Bombs without everyone thinking you are an alcoholic. This is a bonus for many *cough* me *cough*.
- Lots of gaudy, faux green jewelry is a must; the bigger and more obnoxious, the better. See also: buttons, glitter, stickers, fake tattoos, and headbands with springs.
- St. Patrick’s Day Shirts: Kiss Me, I’m Irish; Irish I Was Drunk; Irish You’d Buy Me a Beer; I (clover) You…the list goes on and on.
- You have to wear green. If you don’t, I get to pinch you. Even if you are a complete stranger, I get to take a portion of your skin between my thumb and forefinger and squeeze as hard as I can. That is awesome. (According to the BBC, this tradition was started by schoolchildren. Kids are real jerks, aren’t they?)
(Sidenote: I am going to just pick a random day and tell everyone they have to wear royal blue. Then I will go around slapping the people that don’t comply. Then I’ll say, “You didn’t think I’d do it, did ya? Well, there you go. Now you know to pay attention to instructions.”)
Happy St. Patrick’s Day to you all!