Consistent Inconsistencies

Currently, I am trying to figure out why I haven’t written a blog in months. An idea will pop into my head and I’ll think, Oh that would make a funny blog. But when I sit down to write about it, it sounds boring and dull. It is as though all creativity and inspiration has left me.

This, in and of itself, is an odd feeling because I have much about which to be happy. I am just 14 short weeks away from the debut of my second son, my husband just celebrated another birthday, and we continue to be healthy and content. And maybe this is the problem. Maybe my contentedness is the cause of my lack of inspiration. For much good writing comes from discontent.

I will admit my work life over the last six months has become incredibly busy and draining, both emotionally and physically. This has carried over into my personal life, and with the added pressure of bringing new life into the world, I tend to not want to do much outside of my necessary responsibilities.

Being present and available for my son is my number one priority. As he grows and evolves each day, I am acutely aware of how much I miss when I am at work. The small changes he goes through, the new words and signs. Even his tantrums…it strikes me how his constantly rotating schedule affects him. The inconsistent discipline, eating and naps during the day manifest themselves in many ways, both obvious and subtle. I wish for nothing more than to be able to stay home to provide more stability for him.

And yet, I notice these inconsistencies in my own life and find their outcomes are very similar. As humans, we thrive with routine. Not saying spontaneity does not have its place and purpose, but there is something comforting about routine. If I don’t get enough sleep or don’t eat for hours, it seems to throw a wrench in the system and my whole brain is out of whack. And it causes me to wonder why we don’t make an effort to give in to these simple needs instead of denying ourselves, thus causing imbalance not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

As this stream of consciousness meanders its way down the hills and valleys, I’m still left without a witty topic to write about. But perhaps these thoughts will lead to action and change, and Lord knows with change always comes some amount of discontent. So here’s hoping entertaining writing is in the near future.

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