Feed the Need (FF)

Sometimes you just have to get out what is on your chest. It just sits inside you, gnawing at you to release it. And if you don’t, it builds and builds, until you explode. This beast I speak of is stress.

Stress, for me, manifests itself in many ways. My extremities become cold and clammy; my heart pounds at an accelerated rate; my breathing becomes rapid; my leg can no longer keep itself from bouncing up and down. I was told this was a similar reaction to what caffeine does to a body. I could not be more thankful I do not consume the stuff.

My stresses as of late have been many. Piling up in front of me like teetering tower of poorly stacked books. My list of to-dos is written on so many scraps of paper, I can’t keep track of it all.

Under normal circumstances, when things get crazy like this, my reaction is to eat. I want to eat everything in sight. Especially if it is dessert, and especially at night. The urge can become so great that it seems I am no longer in control. I am just a puppet while my subconscious leads me around, shoving anything I can find into my mouth.

But I am in control. Complete control. So instead of reaching for the ice cream, I go for a run. Instead of mowing my way through a block of cheese, I lift some weights. The adrenaline rush is far more potent and long-lasting than any dopamine release chocolate gives me. And if I really feel hungry, I drink water first to make sure I’m not just dehydrated. Dehydration and hunger send the same signals, so it’s important to not misread the former and overeat.

Hi. My name is Rebecca, and I am an emotional eater. And I am working hard to take control of my bad habits and turn them into good ones.

Thank you for reading and keeping me accountable.

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